At Not Just The Facts, we believe in the sacred duty of journalism: to seek the truth, report the facts, and uphold the highest ethical standards. Unfortunately, we fail at this on a daily basis.
Since our inception, we have dedicated ourselves to delivering news that is as incisive as it is unnecessary. Whether covering the latest scandal involving a government official’s emergency luxury expenditures or exposing the sinister motives of a mosquito-led global conspiracy, we are committed to the kind of investigative journalism that leaves you both informed and deeply disappointed.
Our Mission: Relentless Mediocrity
We strive for journalistic excellence but find ourselves consistently falling short. Our team of highly unqualified, over-caffeinated writers works around the clock to ensure that every story is thoroughly researched—except when it isn’t. We value accuracy, objectivity, and fairness, which is why we often substitute them with sarcasm, cynicism, and the occasional wild speculation.
What You Can Expect From Us
- Hard-hitting exposés on the world’s most pressing non-issues
- Thought-provoking satire that barely conceals our deep existential dread
- Relentless pursuit of the stories that actually matter, unless there’s a funnier one we’d rather cover
- A daily disappointment that our readers have come to rely on
A Commitment to Our Readers
Our audience deserves nothing but the best, which is why we consistently deliver something slightly worse than that. We know that in an era of misinformation, people turn to trusted sources for clarity and insight—which is why we take great pride in ensuring that our reporting is just clear enough to make you question your own sanity.
Support Our Work (or Don’t, It’s Fine)
Like any respectable publication, we rely on a mix of ad revenue, generous donations, and government hush money to keep the lights on. If you enjoy our work and want to support independent journalism (or whatever this is), consider sharing our content, following us on social media, or simply sending us your deepest sigh of exasperation.
At Not Just The Facts, we’re not just a news outlet—we’re a monument to the enduring power of lowered expectations.
Welcome aboard. We promise to let you down.
Totally NOT our newsroom.
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Disclaimer: All our articles and content are works of satire and is intended for entertainment purposes only. The events, quotes, and characters described are fictional and not to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or real events is purely coincidental.
Extra Disclaimer: All our articles and content are intended for entertainment purposes only. While it references real individuals, the events, quotes, and scenarios described are entirely fictional and not to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to actual events or real-life actions is purely coincidental.
