Cultural Articles
As news of KFC’s defection from Kentucky spread, loyal customers were left reeling. Some took to social media to express their despair, with one heartbroken fan posting, “First Pluto gets demoted, now this? Nothing is sacred.” Religious leaders issued statements urging calm, while conspiracy theorists scrambled to connect the move to the Bermuda Triangle. In…
In a shocking turn of events, the nation’s most infamous late-night eatery has found itself at the center of an egg-stremely suspicious crime. After 100,000 eggs vanished from a Pennsylvania distribution trailer, authorities have been left scrambling for answers. And while Waffle House claims they had nothing to do with it, some are starting to…
COLUMBUS, OH—A controversial new bill introduced in Ohio is sending shockwaves through the nation, as lawmakers push to make unprotected sex a felony unless it’s for the express purpose of making a baby. The “Conception Begins at Erection Act” would impose harsh penalties on men who “discharge genetic material recklessly,” with only a few narrow…
In what can only be described as a mild inconvenience to the human race, scientists have slightly increased the odds of asteroid 2024 YR4 striking Earth in 2032. Previously boasting a laughable 1-in-83 chance of impact, the newly adjusted probability has skyrocketed to a much more thrilling 1-in-43. While astrophysicists insist this is still nothing…
VERONA, ITALY – In a stunning proclamation that has left theologians, music critics, and confused fans reeling, Cardinal Giuseppe Bellantonio of Verona has officially declared American pop star Madonna a “Perpetual Virgin” worthy of veneration. The 87-year-old cardinal, known for his devotion to sacred texts and his aversion to modern music, made the declaration during…
